This week's blogs are small samplers of workshops I will be presenting in May at Esprit 2014 in Port Angeles, Washington.
We all have buttons that get pushed. Sometimes, when people know what our buttons are, they push them on purpose. So what can we do to keep people away from our buttons. People Can't Push Buttons That Aren't There. Say that three times to yourself every morning. Here are 3 min ways to hide, jam or otherwise, do away with your buttons.
1. Consider the Source.
Is the person pushing your button on purpose? If so, move straight to solution #2. This solution works best for the accidental push. Much of what we hear is filtered through our perception of what we believe people are thinking about us. Here is your wake up call. PEOPLE ARE USUALLY NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU. Comments are often made without thinking. People come into situations with their own levels of ignorance, misinformation and assumptions. Things that are said or done which push our buttons, often are unintentional. Asking a person why they did or said something that bothers you, often will result in a very surprising answer. In some cases, it will open up the beginnings of a dialogue which will eliminate the accidental pushing of a button ever again.
2. Change Your Perspective.
If a person seems to enjoy pushing your buttons, take the button away. Consider what they get out of it. Think about how it makes you feel. Now, let's take control. Envision the situation in reverse. Imagine what the situation would look and feel like it their comments or actions did not effect you in a negative emotional way. How would you feel? How would they feel? Booyah! You win. They have lost their power over you.
3. Learn to Laugh it Off.
Imagine your button to be a laugh button. When you feel your button being pushed, let it trigger a chuckle, a snicker, a guffaw. Take an "Are you kidding me?" approach. It is laughable, really. Whether people are pushing your button on purpose or by accident, they really misunderstand the wonderfully complex person that you are. That is a source of amusement. Right? Or find something to rib them about - with a bit of humor, of course. This is not intended to become a one-upmanship thing. It is intended to show them that you have a sense of humor about your button and you see things in their life that you find humorous, as well. They will either agree and laugh along and the situation is diffused, or they will never go near your button again because they don't want you pushing their button.
In this very abbreviated missive, these solutions seem somewhat flip and easier said than done. Remember, this is an overviews of my 90-minute workshop, Unpushing Your Buttons: Identifying and Eliminating Situations That Cloud Your Dreams. In this workshop, each solution is tried and each person comes up with a strategy specific to the situations which push their buttons. If you are interested in sponsoring this workshop for your group, contact. I would love to share it.